it was a shout, a scream, a cry for hope
the last of it own, i swear it is
it shall never be the same,
its intention, its pain, its tears
the process of breaking down, of picking up, of giving up
its never easy i guess, or mayb im just weak
but weak im, im glad that i found people that are there for me
the encouraging pm, the caring sms-es
espcially the phone call,
its glad to know that there are people who truely care about me,
im really honored and thankful
wanted to borrow your shoulder at the first hint of sadness
wanted to hear your voice even though i know you won't know what to say
wanted you to comfort me
but
i didn't do what i wanted, it just don't seem right
i don't know why either, maybe it's 'cuz
i just need some support, and i know you had it somehow or other i guess
very confused lately over alot of stuff, interfering with my stairway to nirvana
had emotions lately, or at least, had strong feelings
it's so not normal,
and i'm so not used to it
expressed it to the two of my best friends,
but they just laugh it all saying it is normal...
said 'dhen v scared to lose dhem or sth lyk dht'
i realize that when i care alot for a person
im not only scared to lose them
but they can hurt me too.
like what i saw this afternoon that made me ultra piss/sad
i just wana say
i am what i am lorhh if you don't like it then fuck off please too bad lorhh
this may sound rude but seriously, i won't change because you think i sark
but change because i agree with you that i sark
please get this straight people
do you know that people needs attention
no matter how strong a person is, how rich/clever he/she is,
though their attention might be derived from different ways,
it still remained needed and essential in life
i need them too, from you especially,
you were going to be the most important person in my life, if there is even such a phrase
i can't bring myself to say i love you know i think...
there are somethings i know im bad at but i have already tried my best
i know its definately not enough
haven't you see or understand that i am sad and disappointed as well?
i had blamed myself, fallen and and tried to stand up already,
why must you push me down again?
realize who are my true friends today,
shall choose them carefully, like you said
realize that you are really the best, and i known you for 1year + liao
p.s go fer it! i 支持 and will pick you up too if you shall fall ok? *touch wood*
realize that you are more and more important to me
don't know if it's a good thing or not, let things be the way it is ba
realize that that you cared too
and i'm sorry for being pissed at you for all the little things, sorry
its getting late and im getting tired
i still need do chinese =.=
today it's not my best day, nor is it really my worst
arguing with somebody is never pleasant,
but sometimes it is useful an neccessary to do so. - Snicket, Lemony
x- JuliaLabels: colors meaning feelings
Life's Complicated. Nothing's gonna change it...
8:35 AM
J(1+W)=Julia+Jiawen